6 February 2024
Hello my exhausted mamas!
The school holidays are finally finished. I don't know about you but I feel frazzled!
Today can mark the first day of the mama ‘holiday’ which means we are back working just 1 full time job at a time instead of multiple. Let's face it, as much as we love them, two months of constant kids at home is really exhausting. I found myself actually getting really worn out and frustrated towards the end of it.
As a mother do you tend to put your own needs last?
Friday would have been the very first day both kids were at school and I didn't need to do shape my day around them. Just as I was planning all the things I could get done, I realised it was my daughter's swimming Gala!
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How frustrating, I'd been counting on this time to work on my own deadlines. We've all got stuff we want to do, but as mothers we tend to put our own interests last!
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I have a problem with prioritising my own needs, which comes from having self worth issues. It's something I'm continuously working on, yet it still shows its ugly head every now and then. Can you relate to this?
Watch my video here or read on.
Frustration and the magic disappearing day
Looking up the times of the gala, I realised I'd need to leave by 10.30, to get there and do the other stuff I needed to do before taking my son to his playdate later. Poof, my whole day gone, just like that!
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Learning this my husband states he’s not leaving that early because he has things to do. Like I don’t have things to do! I exploded because we're going to miss her in the pool and this is a big deal! He says ‘you don't have to go.’
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Wow! Is this an option for me, to not go? I was so worn out and exhausted I lay on my bed and cried. I’m physically and emotionally depleted. Health symptoms have reappeared and I desperately need some alone time.
Journaling for clarity
One of the things that really helps me is journaling, where I write my thoughts and emotions daily. Reviewing helps me see patterns and where I am stuck. Looking back now I keep seeing the same words. ‘I'm overwhelmed. I'm exhausted. I'm depleted. I'm frustrated. I feel guilty’.
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This school holiday was actually pretty tough for our family. My son had a deep foot injury with stitches and was on crutches all holiday. He couldn't swim or walk and trying to keep him entertained was difficult. I did my best, yet what I saw again and again in my journal was ‘I feel guilty’.
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I decided this isn't serving anyone in our family and it's certainly not serving me. I feel like I'm over giving to my family. I’m not receiving what I need and I'm starting to feel resentful.
Not having boundaries causes you to be resentful
It's not their fault, it’s mine. I’m not standing strong in my boundaries. I’m not looking after my own interests. I’m not saying ‘no, I'm too tired to do that’.
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Instead I'm trying to do everything. Manage the house, my business and the kids all at once. I've got work projects which excite me, but I don't have the energy to put into them.
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This is a recurring theme for so many. It’s often the mothers who pick up the slack in the house. You’re doing the running around, planning entertainment and dinners and keeping the house going at the same time as working. I was being squeezed out of the tiny gaps between everyone else’s needs.
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I have spent the last two months with these kids pouring love and attention into them, but I also need time for myself. I need to care for myself, because when I don't have any energy, I have nothing to give.
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This morning was I was already feeling exhausted when my daughter asked me to do her hair. When I did she complained about the plait and wanted a ponytail. Frustrated with her and I ripped out the plait, shoved in a ponytail and stormed into my office and I shut the door.
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Sitting there for a few minutes I realised I was modelling the same passive aggressive behavior my mother had used on me. That came from not having boundaries, not taking care of my own needs, consistently over giving, and then when it comes down to a small thing like doing my daughter's hair, I'm too tired to do it.
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Sometimes saying no is the best way to support yourself and others
I can’t let this go on! I opened the door, kissed my daughter good luck and decided I'm not going to go to the gala. You might judge me, but the truth is taking a break is the best way I could best support her.
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I need to go and look after me. If I don't, everybody around me is going to suffer my temper tantrums and passive aggression because I'm so tired I'm drawing energy from them, and that's not fair.
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Instead I went to the beach, had a swim and wrote a list to work out what I needed to do next. Ordinarily I would list of all the things that need to be done for everybody else. Considering my emotions, instead I thought about how I could replenish my energy.
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It's time to rest and recharge
I listed the handful of things I had managed to do these school holidays that lit me up. Putting my paintings as Ltd edition prints on my website, sending out my first email in ages, attending a womens speaking event. These give me energy, and so if I need more energy I need to invest in the things that nurture and light me up.
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Instead I wrote a completely different list: Things I can do to nurture myself
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This is the list I'm inviting you to write. Put away your to-do lists, your shopping lists, the endless tasks you need to do for the kids and the house.
Reach out to me if you’d like to pamper yourself with an energy healing and If you need help getting to the root cause of a health condition, book a medical medium consult with me to heal naturally.
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And please don't feel guilty.
If you take time for you, your whole family will benefit!
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B) The Phoenix Program
Transform from trauma, regain your self confidence and heal. Experience true transformation in your health, relationships, and life circumstance through private 1:1 coaching. Book a FREE Breakthrough Call to gain clarity about what is holding you back.
C) Health Consult
Are you suffering with a chronic illness or condition? A health consult shows you the root cause of your most puzzling and persistent health problems, and how to heal them naturally with medical medium protocols. Available in person or online.
D) Energy Healing
Do you need help shifting emotional pain and energy blockages? The healing flame burns up what no longer serves you to bring you into a state a bliss and alignment. Sessions conducted in person or remotely.
For more on how to transform from trauma, rekindle your self confidence and heal
xxx Nicoleen
Nicoleen Agnello is the Flamekeeper. She is an empath empowerment coach who is here to help you transform trauma into rocket fuel for your soul! Nicoleen offers personal 1:1 coaching through her transformative Phoenix Program. She also offers in person or remote energy healings and in person or online health consultations to heal chronic and mystery health conditions naturally through the medical medium protocol. She is a professional artist who uses her clairvoyance to create high vibrational art for sale.
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